melodiesofeternity

I still don't like the thought of telling her what happened.

[Euphy has already suffered so much over the past few days that Cornelia is wondering how finite her inner light is, how much of it remains after being cast in death's darkness. The curse still exists here, though; Euphy is not safe from it, and therefore no Japanese arrival is truly safe from her. They can't use hope to relax the severity of their circumstances. They can't allow this place to weaponise her again.]

However, I'll do what I can to prepare her for the truth. [Because she can't stop Euphy from asking. Because she can't stop Lelouch from telling her. Because she doesn't know what is and is not possible on Vaikuntha. And because she believes that her sister has the strength of mind to beat this.]

I don't either, but it can't be avoided. Not forever.

[ Seeing as it will come up sooner or later. Isn't it better that they are the ones that comes forward with the information rather than wait around for more things to be unearthed? Granted, Lelouch hadn't wanted to keep it from her at all. However Euphy had been the one to shy away from it. ]

Though I wish we could give her more time. [ To adjust. To heal. ] Preparing her for the truth is the best that we can do for the moment.

[Something about him expressing such simple care for Euphy makes her uncomfortable. Perhaps it's her persisting distrust in him. Perhaps it's his agreeability. Perhaps it's because she's sharing a position, heart and mind, with her little sister's killer. Regardless, she shifts in her chair. Casts him a wary glare. Pushes back her hair ~~i just wanted to continue the rhyme shut up.~~]

Leave out the specifics. She doesn't need to know how many people were killed or that children were among them. Make it abundantly clear that the reason it escalated to the point that it did was because my soldiers abandoned their duty and the chain of command to give into their bloodlust. And know that the only reason why I am not making demands of your silence is because you understand what it's like to fight against Geass better than I do and therefore are in a better position to help her overcome her fate. If you betray even that, I will take it as a direct act of aggression and respond accordingly.

Some of those things are obvious, aren't they? I would think that part of the problem was that those soldiers had no issues following such orders. No one even questioned if she was in her right mind...

[ Which, to Lelouch, had always been a Britannian issue anyway. Too quick to cast judgment and think themselves better and superior. He shakes his head. This isn't an appropriate time and place to have such conversations. ]

I am always going to emphasize that I am to blame. It was my fault. Error or otherwise, she wasn't the cause.

Nothing about what happened to Euphy is obvious, least of all who or what was responsible. [She speaks this freely. Lelouch already knows where she stands on the matter because she has already referred to Geass as Euphy's murderer while she was directly aware that he could hear her. There is no point to pretending otherwise. No reason to, either.]

Do you care to know the first thing she said to me after overhearing us? "I'm sorry," followed by, "I didn't listen to you." She blames herself for trusting you, Lelouch, and she considers the aftermath of the SAZ disaster to be a direct result of her actions, not yours. How do you propose to resolve her belief that she's at fault when it's true that not even your hands would have been bloodied that day if she hadn't put her plan into motion? To put it simply, you can't. Your guilt won't override her sense of responsibility based on merit alone.

What happened at the SAZ was a collision between unchecked powers. Conquest. Hatred. Hope. Geass. The only people not caught in the crosshairs of that collision were those who willfully pulled their triggers. That is why I emphasised their actions.

[ He had known that she'd blame herself. For the deaths of the Japanese. That much Lelouch had always been prepared for. Her hating him and blaming him because she trusted him... That is how it should have been. To hear that she blames herself entirely - for trusting Lelouch and setting everything up? It hurts. It's unexpected. ]

None of the blood on my hands is her fault. Maybe I wouldn't have bloodied them that day. Or I might have. Who knows.

[ Only because if SAZ hadn't come to be, Lelouch probably would have done another sort of campaign with the Black Knight. But he understands that convincing Euphemia that SAZ was a good idea that went wrong.... That's the real trick. The real issue.

Still, Lelouch is even further surprised that Cornelia can see it all so clearly when he can't. What a switch. ]

You're doing a much better job keeping a level head than I.

[ He's just not doing a good job at thanking her for it. ]

[If Lelouch was someone with whom Cornelia was normally comfortable being candid, she might have made light of his last comment; certainly, it's not lost on her that her failure to keep a level head is why they're in this position to begin with. But she's wary and proud and still getting a sense for how much she's willing to offer him. For that same reason she doesn't speak of her own what-ifs, of the mistakes she made that facilitated the disaster.]

[None of that means she's against being somewhat personal, though. After a brief pause she offers:]

I've had significant time to consider what had gone wrong. [A whole damned year of just herself, and Geass, and her thoughts.] You knew enough to render questioning the circumstances pointless.

[Her tone isn't kind though, or even soft, but rather has the barking quality of a soldier on guard.]

You assume I didn't question them? [ Clarifying because that's... Well her tone puts him on edge. Just a little.] There have been several times that I questioned everything I did - if every step I took could have been done differently or if I should have acted at all. That day was no different.

[ It had actually been the one that sort of broke him. However if it hadn't have happened, where would they be now? What about their father and his designs? What about everything else that had transpired? ]

It was only "pointless" because there was nothing I could do to fix it. Pressing forward was the only option. Then, perhaps, it wouldn't have to be pointless.

[ This is all really off topic. Sort of. Lelouch rubs his temples. He actually doesn't want to have an argument. Not when Cornelia seems to have come to terms with a few things. Enough to at least approach him... ]

What I meant was that you had all the facts at your disposal while I was working from hearsay and rumour. My perspective is naturally far wider than that of your actions, your intentions, and your feelings of guilt and failure.

[Like what she said about her soldiers. Like what she hasn't said about her own inaction, her own refusal to support her sister, her own insistence that Euphy learn how to use a weapon, how to pilot a knightmare, how to kill.]

What about now, then? Are you satisfied now that you do have the facts at your disposal? Does knowing them make any of it more bearable?

[Virtually anybody could come to Cornelia with the same questions and she'd treat them as though they'd asked her something far more private. So the glare Lelouch receives in lieu of an answer isn't entirely given to him because he's doing the asking. The resentment lacing her tone is a bit deeper, though; he doesn't have the right to ask how satisfied she is, how much more bearable Euphy's death may or may not have become in light of the truth.]

Mind your place. [It is a very royal thing to say. Authoritative. Scolding. A reinforcement of who and what they've both become.] You're being far too forward.

[ Her tone isn't going to be taken lightly. Not in reality. However, Lelouch is dismissive of it regardless. He doesn't care if he's too forward. They don't have a place here. Thus her look and words are met with a soundless shrug and Lelouch returning to glance over at the pages of the book he had been holding prior to this conversation.

The truth is, the lack of an answer being supplied is an answer within itself. It's too close to her heart. Then again, didn't Lelouch already know this? Wasn't he asking just to be difficult? She can't say that her perspective is wider when, in reality, it hits so close to home. ]

I've always been that way, Cornelia.

[ Too forward. Stepping out of "place." That is just who he is. ]

[Will rise at that, every bit as done as he is judging by how he's shifted his focus back to his reading.]

No, you haven't.

[It isn't something she had planned to say; it isn't something she regrets saying after the fact. She watched him grow up. Knew him as a baby, a toddler, a child who didn't serve as a counterpoint to Euphy and Nunnally's kindness but rather another arm of it, albeit one with a more competitive streak, one with more to prove.]

[That's all she says, though. There are no confirmations, no thank yous, no goodbyes. Just the sound of her returning her chair to its place. Just the sound of the door being opened and then closed behind her. If he has anything more to say, she'll hear it but she is done responding.]

Betrayal

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