It Ain't Ogikubo But It's Something

[conniemaheswaran]

Who: Closed to Connie and Kanji
When: Day After Second Retrieval
Where: Curti Center Gardens
What: Connie's finally made the time to meet up with Kanji again... but something's troubling her.
Warnings/Notes: Guilt, mentions of Futaba's worse moments


The garden, as always, is beautiful when Kanji arrives. The flowers are in full bloom, letting out a calming fragrance, and the light of the slowly setting sun filters through the leaves of the trees. Connie's there, just as she promised. But... something's wrong. There are heavy bags under her red-tinged eyes, and she listlessly picking at her ramen--a far cry from her enthusiastic attitude the last time they met.

Comments

[topgun_textiles]

He shrugged in reply, and helped himself to the first egg roll. He needed something crunchy right now, and crunchy stuff usually shook him out of a funk after a long day of stupid classes and whatnot.

...He quietly passed an egg roll to her.

"It's been a fucked up while. Bad memory or somethin'?"

[conniemaheswaran]

Now that was kind of an understatement. Connie chuckles, although there's no humor in her voice. "You could say that." Taking a moment to bite a substantial chunk off the eggroll, chew, and swallow, Connie says, "Waking up in a pile of corpses sure was... something... but I think the, the worst part was my memory. Which is kinda weird, because it was the happiest day of my life. And, well..." she looks away, leaving her sentence hanging.

"...you're friends with Futaba, right?"

[topgun_textiles]

Wow. Kanji hadn't seen memories involving corpses, but he could only imagine some of the folks around here having a lot of skeletons in their closet. And here he thought his memory was bad...

He scratched a cheek at the question. "Yeah. Why?"

[conniemaheswaran]

Connie still refuses to look Kanji in the eye. She couldn't stop thinking about the situation, about the dozens of ways she could've pulled Futaba out if she hadn't froze. But it was too late now, anyways. "Tell her... tell her I'm sorry.

"...I screw- messed up, Kanji. I messed up really badly. And I know she's safe now, but," Connie clenches her fists, "I still could've gotten her out earlier! I could've said something, done something that would've pulled her back to reality, but..."

[topgun_textiles]

Wow, she was really messed up about that. He understood, honestly, because a lot of memories could be heavy and anyone who goes in to rescue would be dealing with the very real-feeling situations inside. He was thankful people really didn't... talk about things like his.

"Why tell me, though? Wouldn't it be better if ya talked to her yourself? Futaba's a pretty cool person, and the stuff she went through was pretty complicated. I'm sure she'll get that things like that're pretty rough on anybody."

[conniemaheswaran]

She laughs almost hysterically. Oh, Kanji. You're a teenager, you should know how intense interpersonal drama could get. Especially when supernatural stuff was involved. Staring at her hands, Connie chokes out, "I've screwed up so many times! First I couldn't help at the Zoo, then Steven wouldn't let me save him, and now Futaba... I just... every time I see her, it feels like all of my failures are being thrown right back in my face!"

[topgun_textiles]

Connie, we'd like you to meet the teenager who never really had friends until about a year or two ago. He recalled when classmates would fight over dumb shit and always wonder why they didn't just talk it out or fight or something. That always made him feel better.

B-but he didn't want Futaba and Connie swinging at each other.

"Seems like ya feel it gettin' thrown in your face even when you're not seein' her, like right now. I dunno about any Zoo or what happened with Steven, but screwin' up is part of life, y'know?" Alright, he needed the rest of this next egg roll.

"Y'think Futaba will resent or hate you or somethin'?"

[conniemaheswaran]

"I- I don't know!" Connie clutches at her forehead. She should be logical about this. Keyword should. But her brain wasn't being cooperative. "Probably not? I guess? But I keep thinking of all the little ways that everything could possibly go wrong if I try to apologize to her and how she'll hate me forever even though she's way too nice for that and gahhhhh emotions are hard."

[topgun_textiles]

"Emotions are pretty rough, sure. But y'don't know what'll happen until you try talkin' to 'er." He shrugged. Lot of people liked to assume the worst. What if nothing happened and everything got cleared?

But even if she got angry, or the worst somehow happened, how would anything be any different from right now? Connie's already beating herself up, and that was over a hypothetical.

"Either ya let it eat you up inside, or ya hitch up your pants and face everything head on and fight with everything you got. I mean, I speak from experience, y'know."

[conniemaheswaran]

Connie looks at Kanji, bags under her eyes. Underneath that... extraordinarily rough exterior, and a bit of the interior too, he really reminded her of Steven. Normally, that would probably be making things even worse, but now... well, now, being reminded that he existed wasn't actually too bad. "Yeah, you do, don't you?"

Sighing, Connie picks at her food, this time with slightly more enthusiasm. "Y'know, you really would have a field day with Steven."

[topgun_textiles]

"Either way, I dunno, I feel like you're makin' mountains outta molehills. I mean, I ain't gonna go into it, but I come from a town that had a raw deal where ya tell the truth and grow up or basically have your negative shit kill ya."

He shrugged. Casual.

"Huh? Why a 'field day'?"

A good question, since it could mean a lot of things. How weird that he would quietly be compared to the guy when he'd straight up be down for knocking the stupid Diamonds around.