melodiesofeternity | What is love?

Entry tags:

What is love?

Who: Monika, anyone
When: October 09th-13th
Where: Curti Center, Nakagawa
What: Catch-all for Monika, who is back after having secluded herself in the Arito library and its book for a month.
Warnings/Notes:

A | Back to the Center (Curti Center, October 11th)
For over a month, Monika had pretty much lived in the library of Arito, so no one could see her and so she would have enough books to distract herself, in an attempt to not lose herself entirely to the sadness. She had completely ignored Mognet, the Custom Jobs and that whole Bahamut business. Why, she had even ignored her own birthday. And the idea of that dreadful eidolon killing her didn't sound that bad... But her temporary retreat had worked, to an extent. She felt much better, even if the sorrow still lingered under her facade. When Monika arrived and left the airship hangar, she didn't look any different from the way she had been before her departure.

Her Moogle did look quite different, however. Exhausted and desperate. Perhaps she just wasn't as good as Monika when it came to internalizing her feelings. Ah well. Regardless, Monika was all smile and soon went on her merry way to settle some things before going back to her house. She would greet everyone on her way with a "good evening" or with a smile, feel free to reply to her!

B | A Place to Call Home (House B-10, October 12th)
Monika had been supposed to relinquish her housing, but with the change of rule... She wasn't too sure.

As she stepped in, the first time in over a month, she took a look around. Ena had already left, hadn't she...? She wondered if they had already found a replacement for her... Not that it mattered. This place felt so empty and dead now. As if someone had ripped its heart out. What had once been a comforting and warm place now felt just sorrowful and painful.

She waved for her Moogle to leave and threw herself onto the sofa, grabbing a pillow and juggling it in the air absentmindedly. Well, if there was no one at least she didn't have to remain all well-mannered and could relax without a care in the world. Small comfort.

C | Unnatural Disaster (Island of the Curti Center, October 14th)
Ghoul Powder. That was probably the most distasteful skill available to Necromancers. But it opened many doors! If Necromancers could concoct potions that turned living being into monsters, surely they could make potions that affected them in far less drastic ways...? Like affecting the chemical balance of the brain to change one's emotion. Changing sadness into happiness, fear into joy, or perhaps even inducing love where none exists... A Chemist would be far more apt to making non-destructive potions, but she didn't have the asterisk. Not like she would use it anyway. Forcing someone to love you through the use of some potion? That was wrong on so many level...

... Though she was curious if it could work at the very least. Hence why she was on her own outside of the Curti Center, where hopefully no one could see her. There was a Geezard at her feet, one she had captured. It was the best kind of test subject she had thought of. She couldn't test her concoction onto an animal, let alone a person, and much as Papyrus would argue otherwise, those monsters had no soul or character to them. No one would miss the thing.

Hence she grabbed a vial filled with a black thick liquid before pouring it onto the captured creature. At first nothing happened but soon... The Geezard stopped moving altogether. Its body grew black and started smelling like rotten meat. It was dead.

"Oh..." Monika was expressionless as she looked at the now dead monster, though she sounded a tad surprised. "Oh."

Well. That hadn't turned the Geezard into an unstoppable demon, that was.... Progress? She sighed, why was she even pursuing such endeavors?

C | Friendly Visit (Nakagawa, October 10th, Locked to Dylas)
Before going back to the Curti Center, Monika had wanted to see Dylas. She hadn't seen him in quite a while nor had she heard anything about him. Nothing surprising given she hadn't paid attention to Mognet, but she couldn't help and worry a bit. Hence why she stopped by Nakagawa and headed for his house.

"Anyone here?"

She stopped by the door and knocked on it, was that the place...? She'd never come here before, but she knew he was supposed to be living with Yue.

D | Drown your Sorrows in Ice Cream (Curti Center, October 13th, Locked to Okuyasu)
In spite of putting up a strong facade, there was only so much one could internalize before needing something to drown it all. So far, it had been books, but there weren't really any that interested her here... Perhaps she shouldn't have come back and should have placed a job request to work at the library. That was a good idea, actually.

But in the meantime, she had found something to help her: Ice Cream.

So much ice cream actually, there were enough empty cup around her, one could think an entire Blitzball team had been there. And yet she was the only one there, slowly but steadily emptying the Curti Center's reserves.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The small house in Nakagawa is located right against the water. It's the perfect place for a number of activities. Fishing. Swimming. Disposing of bodies in the stream. Haha. Who would ever do something like that? But despite the picturesque presentation of the house on approach, there are a few signs here or there that something is a little odd. All the lights are off, and all the blinds are drawn shut. There's a note hung on his door, an inquiry from his boss, that has lost its adhesive from exposure to the air.

If it weren't for the black chocobo (Yakitori, she might recall) perched on the roof taking a nap next to a fiercely guarded pile of rocks, it might look even more abandoned.

There's no answer at first, but eventually a Moogle opens the door and steps outside. He doesn't make eye contact with Monika and seems more interested in playing a mobile game on his iMog. It involves navigating a Touch Me through traffic and back to achieve a high score.]

-never thought he'd get a guest a this rate, kupo! He's been in an especially bad mood lately, kupo. It reminds me of that movie 'Midgardsormr', kupo. Have you ever seen it, Monika? It's the one with the group of tourists who end up with a giant snake following their boat, kupo. You can guess what happens to them from there—

[Not only has Salmog never made an appearance with Dylas, he's now opening the door into the house wider to allow Monika in. It's immediately clear that something is wrong (again). Furniture is knocked on its side, there are scratches in the wall. Salmog continues to explain the movie plot and how all these tourists get vored by a snake as he guides Monika to the staircase leading to a second floor.

Miraculously, he stops.]

Wait a second, kupo. Are you looking for Yue? He's not here anymore, kupo. Are you sure you want to see Dylas? He said he's going to eat me, 'po, I doubt he's lying. Look at the mess he's made, kupo.

[ She blinked a couple times. Who that was Moogle? How did he know her name...? Of course he worked with Dylas, that much was obvious based on what he was saying, but she thought Moogles to be lazy for the most part. Didn't expect them to know the names of anyone but their partner.

Regardless, she followed the Moogle. ]

Ahaha! [A smile.] He won't eat you even if he threatens to~

[ She started understanding his inner working. Dylas had to do some questionable thing, but wasn't a bad person at heart. But he preferred it when people thought of him as one. Well, that was the conclusion she had reached anyway. And what the Moogle had told her... Yue wasn't here. Was he one of those who disappeared? Or had he fled and hid himself from everyone for a while as she had? ]

And yes, I'm quite sure. I was coming for Dylas in the first place, not Yue. Why don't you take a break and go to the city? I'll handle him and do some clean-up before leaving, alright?

[Salmog stares at Monika like she's said something funny before the sound effect of his Touch Me character (Touch Mimi) dying makes him turn his attention back to his pad. He makes a sad 'kupo' sound before frantically starting again with his game.]

Um, of course not, kupo. He doesn't eat people, 'po.

[But as a Moogle, he's willing to lie for Dylas, it's just...not...a very convincing lie. His voice gets quieter.]

I'm going to run some errands, kupo. Um...'po. [He pauses his game.] I've heard him talk about you, kupo! But he's different now...be careful, kupo. He hasn't left his room in a while.

[He unpauses his game and walks away, adding that Monika definitely shouldn't look in the fridge under his breath. If she decides to head up the stairs, she'll find that it looks even worse than the first floor. There are dents and gashes in the walls clearly made by someone with claws who doesn't know how to cope with loss. There are a few rooms—a bathroom, a guest room. If Monika's sharp, she might notice there's no bedroom for Yue on the second floor.

But eventually, she'll come face to face with the door that no doubt leads to Dylas' room.]

[ Of course, of course he does eat people. Just random strangers whom he doesn't know and doesn't take the time to know whether they're worth killing or not. Well, that's what she assumed following their last conversations anyway. That was bad... Perhaps she could help him. Either get to him the names of people whose death would make the world a better place, or get to him fresh corpses. Having mastered the Necromancer Job, she had easy access to those commodities now.

Ah well, she nodded to the Moogle when he left and made her way up, looking around. It was getting worse and worse... But she wouldn't stop now.

She knocked and opened the door immediately. ]

Dylas...?

[ If she didn't open after all, odds were he'd never let her in. ]

[Everyone can just be thankful that Dylas is dressed when Monika enters the room. It carries a distinct scent—an unpleasant one, but not necessarily one that repulses one into leaving a room. It's a smell similar to what one might pick up near a terrarium or a while handling a reptile. It's a scent Dylas always carries but here, in his room, it's at its strongest.

His length of tail is coiled in a circle beneath him, his chest resting over the middle. There's a light blanket draped over him and the air conditioner in the room is running (it's easier to hibernate when you're cold and you're shutting all the blinds). His iMog is on the floor not far from the door. Like the rest of his apartment, his room looks like he threw a temper tantrum in it, but he doesn't look ashamed when he lifts his head lazily, golden eyes piercing through the darkness where the sun catches them through his blinds.]

Go home.

[And then the thread was over!

Or not. He buries his head back against his arms, speaking again only a few seconds later, curiosity catching him. Maybe worry. He'd known someone was downstairs, but he's surprised anyone came at all.]

Did something horrible happen this month or are you just bored?

[He really hasn't been paying attention to anything on the network.]

[ Well, that wasn't as bad as she had expected... But it was still pretty evident he was going through a tough period. She sighed and shook her head.

She didn't know either if anything horrible had happened, but probably not. The Moogle would have known, without any doubt. ]

I did tell you I would visit, remember?

[ Based on what the Moogle had told her... ]

... Yue disappeared, huh?

[He's silent for another long moment, thinking it over. She did say that she was going to visit. If he remembers correctly, he even invited her. That was clearly a mistake on his part. Apparently, Salmog let her in, too, because he's pretty sure the doors were locked. Damn it. He hates that Moogle. It's so quiet, always staring and never saying anything.

When he lift his head to speak, he ignores everything that she said to shift the discussion in his favor.]

Things must be going pretty badly for you if you feel like you had to come out all this way to see me. What's up?

['In his favor' means he doesn't want to talk about it.']

Nothing. Like I said, I just wanted to visit a friend. Is it that bad of a thing?

[ The way he was talking... He obviously didn't want her here. All the more reasons for her to stay! She knew that when she was sad and isolated herself, deep down she secretly hoped someone would find the right words to cheer her up. But when you're so sad, sometimes even deep down you don't feel that desire for someone to help...

And that's when you really need help the most. ]

I'll be staying the night if you don't mind, I have an airship to the Curti Center but it's only tomorrow morning.

You can do whatever you want to. There's a guest bedroom somewhere.

[He's still not going to get out of bed for this. Yue isn't here anymore. He's been spending months keeping track of Yue's budget, raising Yakitori with him, making sure he learns new things...and now he's gone. Just like every night, they'd gone to bed together...and one night, Yue didn't come home.

He watches Monika, his eyes blinking slowly.]

There's nothing I want to talk about.

Well, I wanted to talk with you. Remember when I told you I'd maybe tell you my secret? Well, I was hoping to tell you today.

[ It was evident he didn't want to speak and that speaking of Yue wouldn't help. So it was best for her to get straight to the point, in an attempt to change his mind. If what she said was surprising enough, at the very least it'd make him forget about his worries and sorrow, for a little bit.

And she knew better than anyone than a short rest could mean the world. ]

I'm not human. [She moved around the room to open the windows wide.] Well granted I look human, but, ahaha... Appearances can be deceitful. That's a side effect of this world, I think.

[ She then sat down where she could. ]

You're actually far closer to a human than I.

You're...what? You're pulling my tail, right?

[That's his initial reaction, but she just keeps talking. If he's closer to a human than she is, that must mean she's something really, really hideous. Something that...looks like a human, but hides underneath the skin? He's not sure. It's enough to get him to lift his head more, but he doesn't move out of his bed.

He does shift his coils, moving his weight, shifting so that half of the bed is free of his tail. There are feathers moving about. Yue's feather. If it wasn't clear where he slept, it's a lot more clear now, though there definitely wasn't anything sexual going on. The pain Dylas feels...it's more akin to losing a son, maybe, or someone who could've felt like one someday.

He pats the bed next to him. He's fully dressed, so there's nothing weird about this, okay?]

No. You wouldn't do that. I'm listening. So keep talking.

[ She sighs and sits down. Here goes nothing. At least she had been quite correct in her assumption that this would get him distracted. ]

I don't really exist. I am part of a computer program. [She pulled her iMog Slate and pointed the sprite of a moogle on the screen.] See that little Moogle there? That's quite literally what I was— What I am. A character in a video game. I only existed on someone's computer.

[ She laughed nervously. ]

Ahaha! When I say you're closer to being human than I, I mean it literally. Prior to coming to this world, I didn't even have a material existence.

...So, you're like...a character in a book.

[He's not sure what to make of that.]

Am I getting it right? Or is that offensive? Uh...

[The tip of his tail fidgets somewhere far behind and below him, striking the mattress in idle thought. Thwap, thwap, thwap. Why is she telling him this? He looks away, turning over this piece of information over in his mind. It tells him...something. It tells him that the Dream Width certainly has some pretty strange taste in what it pulls in. It also tells him Monika is...a program?]

Why are you telling me this?

No, you're pretty much spot on. But unlike regular characters, I was aware of my situation. I knew I was just a character in a book. I knew my world wasn't real, I knew there was a world beyond my own, with someone flipping the pages. I desperately wanted to escape and live, but I couldn't... Until we all arrived here, that is.

[ Better keep on with the book analogy, it'll be easier for him to understand. ]

And... I can't say I'm even sure Vaikuntha is real. Ahaha! [A nervous laughter, again.] You probably thought I did or said weird things at times. I've just been trying to ascertain whether this world is an actual real world or just another "book."

[ And why she told him that... Ah, it was embarrassing to say "I just want a friend I can be honest with." But that was the truth really, what else could she say? ]

I've been struggling a lot lately. Some things have... Really hurt. [Ena's rejection, but she wouldn't mention.] And it's so heavy to have no one I can be honest with, you know? And of all the people I feel I can call friends, I felt you're the only one who would... Understand without judging me.

That's pretty fucked up.

[He runs a clawed hand through his hair. Maybe lounging like a lazy snake doesn't make him the best conversation partner right now, but he's also way too tired to stand right now. Laying down it is.]

I'm...sorry. I hate to break it to you, but you're real now. I don't know how that works, but where I've been and what I've seen, it's all real. And it's all disgusting.

[He huffs, blowing air upward at the lone strand of hair that always hangs in front of his face.]

I believe you. And I'm not going to judge you. You were right about that. I'm the last person who should be judging anyone here. But I'm real. So if I am, you are, too.

[ She hoped he was right... But sometimes the other characters just aren't aware of it. Maybe he is so sure it is all real, but has no idea everything around them is nothing but a program. That's her fear. But she wouldn't dwell on it. ]

You know the worst? I wasn't even a main character. [A pause.] I was just... Kind of a side character. One who never got the spotlight. I was just there to keep the Literature Club together while the members were the ones actually doing important things. They got to interact with the reader — the player — even though they had no sentience. I tried to get the player's attention, but nothing worked.

[ She might as well say everything. ]

So I... I deleted the other characters. It's like killing them but even worse. It was as if they had never existed in the first place. I deleted every character until I was the only one left. They had been my friends, but I figured they weren't real so it didn't matter. And so, maybe the player could finally speak to me. Maybe he could help me.

But... The player despised me for what I had done. So he did end up deleting me. I didn't die though. I just kept existing, but I wasn't even part of the game's story any more, I was just trapped in it without even existing as part of its tale. I had no body yet I felt pain... That pain hurt more than anything than you could imagine. I realized then how my sentience had led me to do unforgivable thing just for a chance at escape. I used my powers to undo all the bad things I had done. All the characters I'd deleted came back to life and the story unfolded anew, but without me. And I got to watch it. But with me dead... The game went wrong. And one of the characters tried trapping the reader into the game.

[ She looked down. Man, she was telling him so much. Hopefully he wouldn't be too scared. ]

I couldn't let one of the character gain sentience and become like me. So I used the last of my powers to delete everything. The characters, the setting, the story. Myself. The game, or "book" if you want, is nothing but blank pages now. And that's when I woke up in this world. [A pause.] I told you... I'm the real monster here.

[How is he supposed to respond to any of this? He listens. He listens, and he briefly regrets wallowing in self-pity for the entire month, because maybe if he was out of the house he wouldn't have to hear this. But then he scolds himself. For better or worse, Monika is his friend. They're both monsters here, if that's what she wants to call herself.]

I don't...I don't know what to say. I don't think I'll ever really understand.

[It doesn't sound like it's entirely her fault, though. It sounds like...maybe, in the end, she tried to help? He furrows his brow, and then buries his head in his arms for a few seconds.

When he lifts his head, he extends his hand to Monika. Like always, his fingers are tipped with sharp, black claws. There are a few errant scales here or there, almost as if placed at random to remind himself that he's not entirely a person.]

I eat people and I like it when they make me chase them. So...want to be monsters together?

Edited 2018-11-13 19:27 (UTC)

Ahaha!

[ That had been quite a mouthful, everything she'd told him. Well, that was real life, right...? Her long speeches worked in a visual novel but that was quite different here.

She took his hand and nodded. ]

Even if you don't understand... You know, it's nice to finally have someone who knows. You're the first one I've told all of this to.

H-hey! You don't have to laugh. I'll understand it more when it sinks in a little. You did what you felt like you had to do.

[That's a very succinct way of putting it, but it's the way Dylas best understands it. He sighs again, once more blowing at the strand of hair that always hangs between his eyes.]

I've done bad things, too. Er. Am...doing bad things. If they find out, they're not going to let us be Heroes of Light.

[He's smiling a little, like he's proud of that. What the fuck, Dylas.]

[ He still had a lot to learn about her. Her laughs were rarely genuine and more of a transition or way for her to lighten things up. Regardless. ]

That's true... But I guess this is also an opportunity for us to better our ways, right? Not that it's easy, it demands sacrifices, but with time...

[ She paused. Doing bad things, heh...? Perhaps that's not the best way to take this conversation, but. ]

You know... I can probably get you fresh corpses from the Necromancer Guild, if you'd like.

I dunno. Maybe.

[When Dylas says 'maybe', it sounds a lot more like 'no.' He doesn't think he can get better. To him, 'getting better' would be a lie. It would mean presenting himself as a person who hasn't done horrible things to people, regardless of whether or not he was warped into enjoying into those things.]

I'll...think about it. I don't know what's worse. Them knowing or...telling the Curti Center. It's bad enough two people know. Or one person and a rock.

[Rutile.]

They don't have to know.

[ She winked and rose a finger. ]

It's pretty easy to get what you want when you know how to go about it. I could get them to send corpses my way and they would never know the true reason why.

[ She had her ways— That was she so confident she would be able to pull it off was perhaps the scariest thing in itself. ]

It sounds easier than dragging a body out of a morgue.

[Dylas' voice suggests that he's done that before...whoops.]

Ugh. You don't have to get involved. It'd be helpful, but...when I get caught, you'll get in trouble.

[Not 'if.' He knows it's all going to come crashing down eventually.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What is love?

C, and I'm sorry, this is long

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: cannibalism

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject