What is love?

[peninhand]

Who: Monika, anyone
When: October 09th-13th
Where: Curti Center, Nakagawa
What: Catch-all for Monika, who is back after having secluded herself in the Arito library and its book for a month.
Warnings/Notes:

A | Back to the Center (Curti Center, October 11th)
For over a month, Monika had pretty much lived in the library of Arito, so no one could see her and so she would have enough books to distract herself, in an attempt to not lose herself entirely to the sadness. She had completely ignored Mognet, the Custom Jobs and that whole Bahamut business. Why, she had even ignored her own birthday. And the idea of that dreadful eidolon killing her didn't sound that bad... But her temporary retreat had worked, to an extent. She felt much better, even if the sorrow still lingered under her facade. When Monika arrived and left the airship hangar, she didn't look any different from the way she had been before her departure.

Her Moogle did look quite different, however. Exhausted and desperate. Perhaps she just wasn't as good as Monika when it came to internalizing her feelings. Ah well. Regardless, Monika was all smile and soon went on her merry way to settle some things before going back to her house. She would greet everyone on her way with a "good evening" or with a smile, feel free to reply to her!


B | A Place to Call Home (House B-10, October 12th)
Monika had been supposed to relinquish her housing, but with the change of rule... She wasn't too sure.

As she stepped in, the first time in over a month, she took a look around. Ena had already left, hadn't she...? She wondered if they had already found a replacement for her... Not that it mattered. This place felt so empty and dead now. As if someone had ripped its heart out. What had once been a comforting and warm place now felt just sorrowful and painful.

She waved for her Moogle to leave and threw herself onto the sofa, grabbing a pillow and juggling it in the air absentmindedly. Well, if there was no one at least she didn't have to remain all well-mannered and could relax without a care in the world. Small comfort.


C | Unnatural Disaster (Island of the Curti Center, October 14th)
Ghoul Powder. That was probably the most distasteful skill available to Necromancers. But it opened many doors! If Necromancers could concoct potions that turned living being into monsters, surely they could make potions that affected them in far less drastic ways...? Like affecting the chemical balance of the brain to change one's emotion. Changing sadness into happiness, fear into joy, or perhaps even inducing love where none exists... A Chemist would be far more apt to making non-destructive potions, but she didn't have the asterisk. Not like she would use it anyway. Forcing someone to love you through the use of some potion? That was wrong on so many level...

... Though she was curious if it could work at the very least. Hence why she was on her own outside of the Curti Center, where hopefully no one could see her. There was a Geezard at her feet, one she had captured. It was the best kind of test subject she had thought of. She couldn't test her concoction onto an animal, let alone a person, and much as Papyrus would argue otherwise, those monsters had no soul or character to them. No one would miss the thing.

Hence she grabbed a vial filled with a black thick liquid before pouring it onto the captured creature. At first nothing happened but soon... The Geezard stopped moving altogether. Its body grew black and started smelling like rotten meat. It was dead.

"Oh..." Monika was expressionless as she looked at the now dead monster, though she sounded a tad surprised. "Oh."

Well. That hadn't turned the Geezard into an unstoppable demon, that was.... Progress? She sighed, why was she even pursuing such endeavors?


C | Friendly Visit (Nakagawa, October 10th, Locked to Dylas)
Before going back to the Curti Center, Monika had wanted to see Dylas. She hadn't seen him in quite a while nor had she heard anything about him. Nothing surprising given she hadn't paid attention to Mognet, but she couldn't help and worry a bit. Hence why she stopped by Nakagawa and headed for his house.

"Anyone here?"

She stopped by the door and knocked on it, was that the place...? She'd never come here before, but she knew he was supposed to be living with Yue.


D | Drown your Sorrows in Ice Cream (Curti Center, October 13th, Locked to Okuyasu)
In spite of putting up a strong facade, there was only so much one could internalize before needing something to drown it all. So far, it had been books, but there weren't really any that interested her here... Perhaps she shouldn't have come back and should have placed a job request to work at the library. That was a good idea, actually.

But in the meantime, she had found something to help her: Ice Cream.

So much ice cream actually, there were enough empty cup around her, one could think an entire Blitzball team had been there. And yet she was the only one there, slowly but steadily emptying the Curti Center's reserves.

Comments

[sullenstallion]

That's pretty fucked up.

[He runs a clawed hand through his hair. Maybe lounging like a lazy snake doesn't make him the best conversation partner right now, but he's also way too tired to stand right now. Laying down it is.]

I'm...sorry. I hate to break it to you, but you're real now. I don't know how that works, but where I've been and what I've seen, it's all real. And it's all disgusting.

[He huffs, blowing air upward at the lone strand of hair that always hangs in front of his face.]

I believe you. And I'm not going to judge you. You were right about that. I'm the last person who should be judging anyone here. But I'm real. So if I am, you are, too.

[peninhand]

[ She hoped he was right... But sometimes the other characters just aren't aware of it. Maybe he is so sure it is all real, but has no idea everything around them is nothing but a program. That's her fear. But she wouldn't dwell on it. ]

You know the worst? I wasn't even a main character. [A pause.] I was just... Kind of a side character. One who never got the spotlight. I was just there to keep the Literature Club together while the members were the ones actually doing important things. They got to interact with the reader — the player — even though they had no sentience. I tried to get the player's attention, but nothing worked.

[ She might as well say everything. ]

So I... I deleted the other characters. It's like killing them but even worse. It was as if they had never existed in the first place. I deleted every character until I was the only one left. They had been my friends, but I figured they weren't real so it didn't matter. And so, maybe the player could finally speak to me. Maybe he could help me.

But... The player despised me for what I had done. So he did end up deleting me. I didn't die though. I just kept existing, but I wasn't even part of the game's story any more, I was just trapped in it without even existing as part of its tale. I had no body yet I felt pain... That pain hurt more than anything than you could imagine. I realized then how my sentience had led me to do unforgivable thing just for a chance at escape. I used my powers to undo all the bad things I had done. All the characters I'd deleted came back to life and the story unfolded anew, but without me. And I got to watch it. But with me dead... The game went wrong. And one of the characters tried trapping the reader into the game.

[ She looked down. Man, she was telling him so much. Hopefully he wouldn't be too scared. ]

I couldn't let one of the character gain sentience and become like me. So I used the last of my powers to delete everything. The characters, the setting, the story. Myself. The game, or "book" if you want, is nothing but blank pages now. And that's when I woke up in this world. [A pause.] I told you... I'm the real monster here.

cw: cannibalism

[sullenstallion]

[How is he supposed to respond to any of this? He listens. He listens, and he briefly regrets wallowing in self-pity for the entire month, because maybe if he was out of the house he wouldn't have to hear this. But then he scolds himself. For better or worse, Monika is his friend. They're both monsters here, if that's what she wants to call herself.]

I don't...I don't know what to say. I don't think I'll ever really understand.

[It doesn't sound like it's entirely her fault, though. It sounds like...maybe, in the end, she tried to help? He furrows his brow, and then buries his head in his arms for a few seconds.

When he lifts his head, he extends his hand to Monika. Like always, his fingers are tipped with sharp, black claws. There are a few errant scales here or there, almost as if placed at random to remind himself that he's not entirely a person.]

I eat people and I like it when they make me chase them. So...want to be monsters together?

[peninhand]

Ahaha!

[ That had been quite a mouthful, everything she'd told him. Well, that was real life, right...? Her long speeches worked in a visual novel but that was quite different here.

She took his hand and nodded. ]

Even if you don't understand... You know, it's nice to finally have someone who knows. You're the first one I've told all of this to.

[sullenstallion]

H-hey! You don't have to laugh. I'll understand it more when it sinks in a little. You did what you felt like you had to do.

[That's a very succinct way of putting it, but it's the way Dylas best understands it. He sighs again, once more blowing at the strand of hair that always hangs between his eyes.]

I've done bad things, too. Er. Am...doing bad things. If they find out, they're not going to let us be Heroes of Light.

[He's smiling a little, like he's proud of that. What the fuck, Dylas.]

[peninhand]

[ He still had a lot to learn about her. Her laughs were rarely genuine and more of a transition or way for her to lighten things up. Regardless. ]

That's true... But I guess this is also an opportunity for us to better our ways, right? Not that it's easy, it demands sacrifices, but with time...

[ She paused. Doing bad things, heh...? Perhaps that's not the best way to take this conversation, but. ]

You know... I can probably get you fresh corpses from the Necromancer Guild, if you'd like.

[sullenstallion]

I dunno. Maybe.

[When Dylas says 'maybe', it sounds a lot more like 'no.' He doesn't think he can get better. To him, 'getting better' would be a lie. It would mean presenting himself as a person who hasn't done horrible things to people, regardless of whether or not he was warped into enjoying into those things.]

I'll...think about it. I don't know what's worse. Them knowing or...telling the Curti Center. It's bad enough two people know. Or one person and a rock.

[Rutile.]

[peninhand]

They don't have to know.

[ She winked and rose a finger. ]

It's pretty easy to get what you want when you know how to go about it. I could get them to send corpses my way and they would never know the true reason why.

[ She had her ways— That was she so confident she would be able to pull it off was perhaps the scariest thing in itself. ]

[sullenstallion]

It sounds easier than dragging a body out of a morgue.

[Dylas' voice suggests that he's done that before...whoops.]

Ugh. You don't have to get involved. It'd be helpful, but...when I get caught, you'll get in trouble.

[Not 'if.' He knows it's all going to come crashing down eventually.]