melodiesofeternity | [Closed] Memories Border Nightmares

He'd had his restless nights, and this was just another of them. He'd seen so many memories, people's worst nightmares, and so many had seen one of his worst memories to boot. He wasn't sure how to feel short of rather numb and weary, but he had to wonder if it was a product of being out in the Dream Width. The TV world liked to suck out your energy, so maybe it was the same thing...

But his mind was wandering again. He shut off the iMog after staring at it for the umpteenth time today, having given up on apologizing for those who saw his memory and thanking the ones that pulled him out whenever he found himself trapped in elementary school with bloodied knuckles. Maybe he should talk to them in person? He'd feel more comfortable that way.

He'll do it tomorrow. He was tired. Kanji stood and stowed the iMog next to a sleeping Suzette, who was curled up in a hanging hand-woven basket filled with mog-sized pillows and a blanket. At the very least, she was a very sound sleeper. It meant he could have quiet evenings doing some cross-stitch or knitting, or when the mood took him even some drawing.

Kanji was just flipping to a blank page and reaching for his pencils when there was a knock on the door. Briefly he furrowed a brow, as he wagered he wasn't being loud enough to disturb anybody that'd ask him to keep it down, but... what was up?

"I'm still up. C'mon in." He rolled his shoulders to straighten up one of the sleeveless shirts he liked to sleep in. He had a guest, so why look sloppy?

Hearing his response, Naoto opened the door - slowly to crack and peer inside, and then further to actually step in. It wasn't surprising to see Kanji still up; like her, he tended to keep odd hours working on a project that had his attention at the moment, but it seemed like she caught him perhaps during a break? Or, maybe he didn't have a chance to start working?

Either way, she closed the door slowly behind her.

"I'm not interrupting you, am I?" There was a blank page open on his desk and waiting for attention. It was possible he had just been sketching until she knocked.

He figured it was Ren. Dude was weird in a good way, kept late hours sometimes and they had a few things to discuss. His stomach quickly twisted itself into a knot when that wasn't the case, and he turned back to his sketchbook to briefly hide his face.

I-it wasn't the first time Naoto'd come in here. Far from it. But those times he'd been prepared for them. Now he knew he wasn't getting any sleep what with the butterflies in the stomach.

"I-inter-? No, I'm- I'm just workin' on tiring my brain out," he managed to slap together. It was the truth. As he gathered up the sketchbook and twirled a pencil between his fingers, he stood and pushed out the desk chair he'd been occupying.

"Uh- please. M-make yourself at home." He offered the chair. Everything was with purpose when it came to her. He knew she kept late hours on account of her lifestyle, and quite frankly he wondered if she got enough sleep some nights, but nothing about the body language looked good.

...The pajamas were cute.

He bit the inside of his cheek to quiet the thought. "...You okay?"

Edited 2018-06-12 11:40 (UTC)

Working on tiring his brain? But that still meant she was interrupting... However, their discussion might do the job since they weren't simple subjects to breach or maintain a conversation around; or more, conversations you didn't necessarily want to entertain.

"Hm? Oh, thank you." While she didn't intend on staying too long, there was no way to predict if her visit would be short. So, taking a seat in the offered chair, she looked up at him.

... Maybe she should discuss his bizarre flare ups with a White Mage.

"I'm fine. In fact, I'm here to ask you that question." Her eyes never shifted away from him. "Are you alright?"

He casually tipped his chin up and away, fighting to play it cool. He could never, ever play it cool. But when she stared like that it was like something prodding at his soul, and if he wasn't careful, she would learn everything. That was not something he was ready for yet.

"Uhh, what? What? No, I'm- I'm okay. Just not sleepy." The easy answer. He gathered up the book and pencil and moved to take a seat on the bed.

But he'd only gotten that far before he visibly deflated, and to help put his thoughts in order, he put pencil to paper and just let his hand move basically on its own.

"And... thanks. Y'know, for pullin' me outta that memory. I've been workin' on thanking everybody that helped me out, but I dunno about just makin' a video about it on the network. I feel like it's too important NOT to do it in person. So... thank you." He supposed if she had questions about that day, well, he couldn't avoid any of it. He'd had enough time to process going through that horrible day again to be ready for that sort of thing.

"I told ya I was a really little kid."

It wasn't anything that she intended on finding out right now anyway. Noticing how he seemed uncomfortable, she allowed her eyes to look elsewhere. However, he took a seat on the bed - then she would concentrate on his pillow.

"You're welcome. I was fortunate enough to find your nebula at all..." She sighed, recalling how he was swept away and so was Futaba at some point. There were so many at one point; there just wasn't a way to tell whose memory one might fall into once they reached a nebula. And then... one had been entirely unexpected.

"... It reminded me why I rarely got along with other kids back then. Of course, they weren't throwing slurs at me the way they were you. And I certainly can't fault you for punching them. They didn't deserve having someone like you in class."

He frowned, and his hand stopped as he shrugged and tried to play things off.

"Moving me to another classroom was the first thing they considered. Y'know. When I believed they wanted to help me. But then the whole 'building bonds with your classmates' thing, on top of the fact that the school was pretty small and could only hold so many kids at a time worked against me. I was stuck with those assholes for a whole year.

Some of 'em, like that kid I punched, I got to have class with for another year or two after. It sucked. But he was kinda scared'a me after that. Well... everybody was. I just started fighting and yellin' at people instead of following my parents' advice. I'd been at it for a few years right up until you showed up."

But that was the past. He needed to stop thinking of that awful time, especially now that he'd grown up a little.

"Anyways... That whole space-nobble thing was a real mess. I'm pretty pumped we got out of it okay. But from what I've overheard, like half the population of the Curti Center's gone off to get shitfaced."

He paused. Then he continued drawing, but peeked over the edge of his sketchbook at her.

"...Sometimes you can be hard to read, but I've grown to work out when something's really bothering ya, Naoto. Ya didn't just come in here ta check up on me." Either she experienced a horrible memory from her own past, of which he was sorry he couldn't pull her out, or... god knows what else.

That seemed unfortunate. There should have been a way for him to be placed away from those students - something that wouldn't require a whole school transfer. Honestly, if only the other child's parents had considered discipline or discussion, but they likely wouldn't have cared at the same time.

"... Space-nobble?" Was he meaning to say nebula? And at the mention of the group that had proceeded to get drunk, she sighed and scowled. "They're setting a fine example, aren't they?"

She couldn't believe them. Old enough to drink and all of them decided to drown their sorrows in alcohol. Unacceptable...

"... You could say something is troubling me. It's nothing to do with a memory, but the iMog."

He shrugged, but couldn't help the small smirk. Always the copper... but at least they were doing it legally. What did they have to drive afterward, other than chocobos? He had to wonder if there was a penalty for Warking Under the Influence.

"...The iMog?" Because god knows they're always janky somehow with random usernames, codes, title blips and then that whole privacy filter removal. But that would be annoying, rather than concerning.

"Another glitch?"

If any of them were still outside after their drinking, she would have a word with them. Especially if they turned out to be hungover or doing anything else that shouldn't be in public.

"Yes... here." She had brought her iMog Slate with her. Tapping through it, she opened her Jobs, and turned it to him.

"If it's a glitch, it's a concerning one."

There was Gunslinger first, Magitek Knight second, Summoner reserved... and Warlock that stood nowhere, but was present.

He couldn't help squinting a bit in the low light to really let everything on the tablet come to focus. It was her Asterisk menu. Gunslinger, Magitek Knight, Summoner (ooh, he had to ask about that sometime)...

"Huh. Four jobs. I thought we could only hold three Asterisks, but..." There it was. He furrowed a brow as he noticed how strangely the Warlock Asterisk was placed.

"Ain't heard of that Job. Where'd you pick that one up?"

He squinted. Was he having some vision impairment?

"Indeed. It's not natural." And if she tried switching to it, there were no delays or warnings like if she wanted to swap out another Job for Summoner.

"It was a memory nebula... or, possibly a nightmare. I wasn't the only one there either in the beginning."

That definitely didn't happen for him at all. The way it was placed with the other classes really didn't seem natural, as she'd put it. That only left why it's there in the first place. Was it something she could use? What was a Warlock in this world?

"I've heard from some people that they all went in like some sort've big group. Then you n' Futaba pulled me outta my memory... but how did it just give ya one'a those Asterisks?"

He scratched his head. "Didja try it out? Like, it's legit?"

"Probably because there was... someone speaking there. Someone not among us or truly part of the memory. They were more an omnipotent observer..."

Explaining that, she shook her head at his next question. "Absolutely not. I don't trust the voice that imparted it to me or the others."

Someone who wasn't part of the memory spoke to them, and gave them an Asterisk. Something squirmed in his stomach as he thought of the woman who worked at the gas station, the one who wound up not being human. She'd caused everything with a simple trio of handshakes.

"S'fair. I wouldn't wanna touch it, neither. I mean, in all the books I read growin' up, it's always wizards n' sorcerers who could be good people. Warlocks were always bad news." So whoever she went into this nightmare with got an Asterisk too. He had to keep an ear open for any rumors about dark magic, about warlocks...

But he had to also look out for whoever was responsible for the nightmare and punch them in their stupid fucking face for doing this. He tossed the sketchbook aside, where a completed sketch lay, and he planted his hands against his knees. Always the slouchy one, this one.

"Is... 'that' happening here, then? Y'think someone's lookin' to screw with us and see what we do next?"

"Hm..." Her lip curled slightly at the thought. Fantasy wasn't really her genre so she wouldn't know the difference. All of them were magic users to her, but wizards and sorcerers were good, and she of course got the one that wasn't. It made sense considering what the voice had said.

"More than likely. They spoke of wanting to end everything and return it to the void." Her brows furrowed. "... It's possible we saw the Heroes in the nightmare. Or, a group that failed."

His gaze hardened. 'End everything'... god damn it, that was happening again. Suzette had mentioned old heroes, and the network had been abuzz about strange occurrences about god knows what that he couldn't wrap his head around. He could only speak from experience, from facing off against an otherworldly thing that wanted to decide if humanity was worth preserving.

Whoever this was, was the same. Kanji was content in comparing the two of them. They'd infected the iMog with something and urged them to use it.

"Yeah, it... that stuff over the network from Futaba, sayin' stuff about drawings or whatever. I couldn't keep up, and..." He rubbed his eyes, his head hurting already from it.

"Nightmares. Just nightmares... and I can't sleep, and..." Damn it, he couldn't stifle it any more.

"Yes. I've been participating in those discussions when I can. There's a lot to take in and plenty of notes to make." And every time there was more to say, there were more questions to ask and fewer answers. One thing she did know for certain though was the entity that likely threatened the world before was the most suspect candidate in this nightmare.

However, she blinked and brought her attention back to Kanji.

"Kanji-kun...? What nightmares?" Had she really been so busy that she'd been missing something so severe?

Even if he couldn't hold it in, he felt so guilty. He was supposed to be the pillar or something, right? He couldn't trip up and talk about some dumb stuff that was going on in his head after everything happened, and... yyyyyet she'd be more angry than anything if he didn't talk about it.

Maybe he'll feel better.

"I... augh... I get nightmares about Izanami, about gettin' pulled in. But whatever, it's fine, it was scary shit and it sticks in the brain. I guess goin' back to a bad memory of mine and seein' others just rattled my head a bit." He ruffled his hair and looked away.

"B-but it ain't a big deal, y'know, just some sleepless nights! They didn't shove a shady-ass Job into my iMog."

He didn't have to be a pillar; not if it was hurting him. So sitting there, listening, yes she was upset to know he was having nightmares about that time, but at least he was telling her - even if it might be after the fact.

"Yes... when you put it that way, it's reasonable for you to begin having those nightmares again..." However, her eyes became hard when he said it wasn't a big deal. "It might not be similar, but that doesn't mean your own torment is any less. In fact, it's too early to say if this odd Job will truly become an issue."

Still... it did worry her what it might happen the longer she holds onto it.

"... If you're not opposed to it, perhaps I could... stay here for the evening."

He set his jaw and refused to lower his head. Yes, he always had the nightmares, but they had gotten worse lately. He wondered if he needed to brave going to the clinic and see if the Dream Width had left some sort of mark on his mind, but he always got cold feet standing outside the building. Can't always ask Okuyasu to punch him through the door...

"Maybe it's just me and my experience with cops and such, but I dunno how the Curti Center people might look at somethin' like a nightmare forcing an Asterisk on ya might go. Sounds wary, I guess, but there's too much we don't know about our hosts just yet. If it gets bad somehow, maybe Futaba can take a look at it and figure somethin' out. I think she's itching to pick at these tablets and learn more about it." Which meant she'd be without her iMog if something went wrong.

He was about to suggest that maybe he invite Futaba over so it's safest with all of them here in one spot, but his face flushed with the suggestion of her own.

"S-stay? H-here?" He cast a look over the bed. It was plenty big enough for her. He could always camp out on the floor. As off-guard as the suggestion caught him, it... it wasn't a half-bad idea to maybe have some company. He'd probably sleep better.

"Wh-why would I be opposed? Th-there's nothin' wrong with crashin' at a friend's place!"

"I appreciate Futaba-san being willing to do that, but at the same time, whatever this might be, I don't think trying to examine it will improve too much. It might do the opposite than intended." Besides, if they tried deleting an Asterisk from an iMog Slate, what would that even do? Would it do anything, and if it did, would the outcome be good or bad? Well, she would be the one to find out.

Looking at Kanji, she nodded.

"Hm, some are opposed to men and women sharing living quarters unless they are engaged in some matter of romantic entanglement." Though, that was just some. Others understood otherwise there wouldn't be co-ed dormitories or other such living arrangements publicly available. With a nod, she rose to her feet. "Very well. Now if you have another nightmare, I'll be here."

That... huh. What happens when you delete an Asterisk? He couldn't help but think of that Ninja job he had sitting in his iMog, neglected after so many failures to click. He'll just have to figure that out on his own and report back! Maybe it'd be super simple. That, and he strangely desired trying something really different. A guy like him as a Black Mage...

He was redder with the observation. True, maybe it was weird for people to share space without being a c-couple or whatever, but why should it be different from if two girls or two guys shared living quarters?

Kanji laughed. Just a bit, and it wasn't out of anything funny. If anything, he was laughing a bit at himself.

"I-I just didn't wanna come off like I was a coward, just 'cause I was havin' nightmares. Besides, it's- I mean, we could'a talked about the iMogs in the morning, but... h-here you are, bein' cool, but..."

He shrugged. "I-I can be here just the same, if all the shit you saw and went through freaked you out, too!"

"You're not being a coward admitting to having nightmares. Honestly, to have continuous nightmares can be detrimental; they disrupt your sleep and that can affect your overall health." Sleep, when she got it, was important. If nightmares were an issue, they needed to be addressed somehow, and keeping that to yourself wasn't helping.

"Right. Until I know what this is, I could... use some company."

Honestly, this really had her worried. At any time, that voice seemed to warn it would do something. Still, she had no idea what that might be. "Anyway, I'm going to grab... something from my room."

That was pretty big of her. They'd had the same damn stick up their ass about taking everything on themselves. Sometimes it was just easier to fall back into it, as it was second nature. He guessed tonight was a night of just laying it all on the table and blowing off the steam of all the weird shit that happened.

This was the least he could do after pulling him out of that memory. And saving his life. And every other thing she'd done, when she didn't really need to, but wished to. Hell, that was one of the most fascinating things about her: Naoto doesn't do shit if she doesn't wish to. She'll set her foot down and get the ol' laser eyes about it.

That was why, as alarming as the Warlock Asterisk being forced into her iMog may be, he knew the figure in the nightmare had to try a hell of a lot harder to get the best of someone like her.

He nodded. He ought to set up a spot to sleep on the floor about now anyway.

"A'right. I'll be here."

Being so uncomfortably close to potentially bearing too much to people she didn't know just... made her more relieved to have someone she did know; someone she could help, and should be helping more often. In the future, they would have to be more cautious of the Dream Width - of the memory nebulae and everything else floating out there.

Nodding, she turned and stepped out of the room. There really wasn't much to grab - she had a glass of water there for in case in the middle of the night. However, there was something on the bed watching her and she considered, staring back, but then finally decided to grab it.

Walking back to Kanji's room, she kept her eyes away as she returned quietly with her glass of water and the carbuncle he made her.

He was just stowing things away when she returned, the bed made and the extra spot on the floor set up and ready to roll. Rather than water for himself, he quickly finished the bottled tea he'd left half-finished on his work desk. Still cool from when he'd sneaked out and grabbed it an hour or so earlier, he realized with all the work he'd been doing that he needed to hydrate better.

Of course, he didn't stop his mouth from going dry when she came back. She was impossibly adorable in the pajamas, but he was touched to notice she'd brought a certain friend.

He nodded firm, jaw set as he fought to be professional, but there was a ghost of a smile right at the corners. "I'm- I'm glad ya really like it! He or she got a name yet?"

"... I-I've taken to calling her Swan."

Which probably didn't make sense to most, but she wouldn't so openly dress up as her Featherman character while they were here in another world. For one, not too many people would get it, and two, too many questions would be asked that she might be embarrassed to disclose.

Walking over, she approached the extra spot he'd started setting up.

He nodded, understanding. Swan made all sorts of sense, though now he wondered if he should have embroidered the Feather logo on a paw... nah. Nah, he needed squishy paw pads on it, and he was proud of the pads on that one.

Kanji exchanged a look between the makeshift spot and her, and immediately stood. "Whoa, whoa, no! I'm takin' the floor so y-you can have the bed."

What kind of host made a guest sleep on the floor!? It wasn't uncomfortable at all with the spare futon and quilting that he'd busied himself with in his first weeks, but that was beside the point!

Head whipping around, she blinked. "Why would you do that? This is your room, and we're still in the same house."

So, he wasn't really hosting her; he didn't have to host her just because she was in his room. Besides that, this was for his comfort. Wouldn't having him on the floor ruin that?

"Well, I ain't puttin' you on the floor! Ya won't change my mind on that."

Was this what was really happening? Because by her logic, either she takes the floor (which is totally not happening) and he stubbornly sticks to the floor, which leaves them both as dummies on the ground with a perfectly good bed unoccupied, or...

...Or something he wasn't super sure about.

He folded his arms and cast a glance over the bed. There was plenty room, but... but...

Staring at him, she frowned. She wasn't going to budge either, but she wasn't going to stare him down as usual - without her usual attire, it wouldn't be as effective.

"... We'll share one then."

He'd guessed right. But as his stomach twisted into a knot, he was realizing that this was meeting both of their preferences: Comfort for her and keeping him off the floor. He just had to not be... him about it.

He agreed before that people opposed crap like men and women living together. Maybe that stretched to s-sleeping in the same bed, too.

With a small crack of his voice as he cleared his throat, he stooped and fetched the pillow off the floor, adding a second to the lone upon the bed.

"Pick... pick a side, then."

Well, now that she proposed sharing, she slowly realized what she had done. It was one thing to share a co-ed room, but another to share a bed. She could reconsider, but she already made the proposal.

Stifling her blush, she looked at the bed.

"... I'll take the left."

"Left's all yours. I'll hit the lights if you're ready to crash."

He had a feeling, once the nerves passed, that having sought companionship would help. The nightmares typically had him sit upright with a start, thoughts slashing through the dark and grasping at anything that would prove that his mind was playing tricks on him again. But it'd happened... it really happened, and Izanagi-no-Okami thought he'd erased the memory of what had happened by granting them all life again.

Too bad he fucked up.

"Uh, hey... did you have nightmares about back then?"

She nodded and moved around to the left, settling herself down. It would probably be best to try getting some sleep than linger on what she had gotten them both into. It was only Kanji; there was nothing to be concerned about. She knew him.

Laying down, tucking herself and Swan in, she turned her head on the pillow to look at Kanji.

"... Sometimes."

It would be wrong to say anything else. "I wasn't the first to succumb to her curse during that fight so... I'll dream about being the first one to move. Other times, I'm too scared to move at all. A few times, we all lose and Senpai gives up... or he manages to win, but no one else returns."

The lights went out, and Kanji held his breath. This wasn't so bad. He'll be fine. He was fine. This was no big deal. This is just something he'd always wanted to... do? Maybe it was just him, but everything about the Secret Lab and how much she'd really been hurting really made him want to wrap her up in a burrito blanket. The fact that she'd been having nightmares hadn't helped the desire.

Kanji climbed in on the right, slipping under the covers and settling on his side.

"Sorry... I hope Swan helps a little."

She felt the bed dip when Kanji joined her on the unoccupied right side, but she remained to the left - close to the edge and trying to take up as minimal space as possible. If at all possible, she would try and remain there throughout the night.

"She does. It's been a while since I've had any issues sleeping."

And though having Swan made her feel childish, it was night to have something to hold that didn't sacrifice a pillow beneath her head.

"And you need sleep more than anybody, right? A new case ain't hittin' the hay early."

Not to mention going to the ends of the earth, which had to be pretty quiet sometimes. Too quiet. But he wouldn't ask anything about that. Classified or whatever. But he had a feeling her Shadow talking of loneliness didn't just stretch to her colleagues at the local police station.

Hopefully, she could rest easy tonight. But something didn't feel right. Why'd he have so much room all of a sudden...?

What the-? He glanced over. "Oi. Scoot in, ya dork- I don't care if ya kick in your sleep or whatever."

Because clearly, that was why.

"Hm... speaking of case, I hope we can end the case at Lake of Ira soon."

A hefty thing to ask when their criminal wasn't human, might not be human... or alive from the sound of it. Also, they didn't attack until a specific time, limiting availability to handle the situation. Sighing, she settled herself and prepared to close her eyes.

But his words had her blink. "... It's not that I kick. I just didn't want to crowd you."

Also, just maintain some space between them. There was no promises what she would do with a source of warmth near.

"Me too. We'll kick this thing's ass, yeah?" It wouldn't be too much longer now. By current estimates, the next Friday would come in just a few weeks. He had to keep training up in his Asterisks... the campers that lost their lives would get their payback.

But with that set in stone and the ease on his mind from coming clean about, well, everything lately, Naoto had a funny way of catching him off guard.

Or maybe he needed the chuckle that softened the hard lines of his face. He had to imagine Naoto making like a starfish and claiming the entirety of the mattress in the name of all Shirogane and couldn't handle it. It had even left him feeling a little less nervous about being so damn close by.

"Damn, maybe-... ah, f-forget it. Jus' don't roll off the bed."

"Indeed." They were getting stronger. She was confident they would be able to do something, but erred on the side of caution. There needed to be others besides the two of them; she'd put out a call for action before the date arrived.

Naoto raised an eyebrow, wondering what on earth made Kanji chuckle suddenly. He wasn't exactly facing her so there was no way to read...

"..." No answer, but he might feel something - or someone - shifting closer. And then, a hand lightly brushing against him. "... This isn't too close, is it?"

This was kinda nice actually. He'd never really done sleepovers before, and the whole tent situation back home just made him angry that everyone would just assume that it was gross and weird that he'd be there with 'em. Thinking on that sobered him up enough to stare at the wall, thinking briefly back at the memory he'd been forced to experience again in the Dream Width.

...It was really cool of Naoto to be okay with this. He always thought she was really cool, but-

He squeaked. God help him, that was definitely a squeak, and he was completely still. She said she didn't want to crowd him, right!? S-s-s-so, wh-wh-what was...!?

He was not gonna sleep with all the adrenaline in his system, and not when he felt like his heart was going to explode. But he shut his eyes and doubled down. Be a man. BE A FUCKING MAN, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!

"Wh-whadda you mean? Y-you're fine! Just- just get comfy, but lemme know if somethin' about the bed sucks and I'll-I'll fix it!"

... Did he really just squeak? For some reason, she never would've expected Kanji's voice to be able to produce such a sound. Seemed as though she was close enough; she withdrew her hand.

As long as she didn't think too hard about this, it really wasn't too strange.

Wrapping her arms around Swan, completely unaware of Kanji presently having a miniature heart attack in front of her, she buried herself a little further down into the blankets. It was fine just like this.

"This will do." Though, she gave the pillow a few pats before sighing. "Good night, Kanji-kun."

He spent every ounce of resolve to keep himself loose, rather than curling into a tight ball and making things stranger for her than they already were. He had zero problem with this, but he wished he wasn't so shy...!

But when he took a breath and turned his eyes to the sheets, fiddling with them between two fingers, he felt his heartrate slowing and the adrenaline not quite buzzing around so much in him. He needed to sleep and the adrenaline was doing the exact goddamn opposite.

"G-... g'night, Naoto." Was it weird that he wanted to do this again? If things got bad again, he realized what people meant when they talked about needing somebody, and... and if she needed somebody, y'know...?

He turned his head to bury his face in his pillow. He'll think about this another time. Until then, he needed to get his rattled ass to sleep.

[Closed] Memories Border Nightmares

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