melodiesofeternity | [ Closed ]

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Who: Lelouch & Co
When: August 2nd - 5th
Where: Geass House
What: Nunnally is gone and Lelouch never has been really good at letting things go where it concerns her. But he can't just sit around being a grumpy pants forever, now can he?
Warnings/Notes: TBD

Or could he?

True to form, once Lelouch knew that Nunnally wouldn't be coming back, it felt like his whole world had ended yet again. The reaction this time isn't as harsh or severe. Time around Lelouch didn't stop moving nor did he lock up and slide towards a mental breakdown. Instead he was aware of time passing, but he didn't seem to care. His thoughts didn't cease, but his mind didn't really seem to be completely firing on all cylinders either. It was sluggish, refusing to keep up at its normal pace. No wonder that he found it hard to be motivated to do anything. Lelouch wasn't leaving his room nor was he actively on the Mognet either.

When he did leave, it was late at night/early in the morning. Lelouch did this only to eat before slipping away back into his room. Whether or not he was avoiding everyone else in the house or not wasn't something he was actively thinking about. Perhaps Lelouch just didn't want to have contact with anyone subconsciously. Regardless, he wasn't doing much more than running on autopilot. This concerned Mogya, considering the Moogle was the one that would bring the plates back from his room. She would bring water to and from the room and each time she would see Lelouch reading more books, but not actually reading them. Mogya didn't understand the behavior and expressed her concerned to the other residents in the home. She was getting pretty worried.

Though it was silly, wasn't it? Lelouch wasn't able to be distracted by anything like the Black Knights or the Requiem. So all he had time for was to sit and think. It wasn't fair, getting a small taste of being something like siblings again, only to have it taken from him. At the same time, that wasn't the right way of thinking. At the end of the day, his punishment was still being carried out like this. The siblings were still separated from each other. The problem was he wasn't certain if this was a positive outcome or not and there was nothing he could do about it. Nunnally wasn't here, but she had to be somewhere... Maybe that was what he was truly getting caught up on: being powerless to make sure that his little sister was safe and sound.

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[Though she doesn't entirely trust that he's in his room and not out partaking in some wacky, "burn the world because my sister isn't in it anymore" hijinks, she still knocks on his door as if expecting him to answer and says,]

Open this door, Lelouch, or I will.

[And she fucking will. If she can break out of a well-secured room on the Ikaruga then she can sure as hell pick open a shitty bedroom door lock.]

[ Go ahead Cornelia. Break down the door. It's not really necessary because the door isn't locked. Lelouch hasn't even bothered to do that.

But he's not responding. Sorry. ]

[Way to kill her fun, geeze. Guess she'll test the door first so as not to make an ass of herself and whoop there we go, the door is open and she's made her way through it.]

[What will she see?]

[ It's clean at least. There aren't items scattered all over nor does the room smell. There are just books. A couple piled in a corner. Some stacked on the desk. Then there's Lelouch. Sitting there, staring at an open book but the page hasn't turned in a while. ]

[Sifts through the nearest pile of books. Vaikunthan history and lore. Airship mechanics and piloting manuals. The same damned stuff he's been reading since she encountered him in the library way back in early June.]

[For a moment she just stands there and watches him for any sign of acknowledgement; then, when he doesn't so much as shift his eyes in her diretion, she waits to see if he'll turn the page of his book. When not even that happens, she clears the rest of the distance between them and takes the book away, turning it around to read its title.]

The History of Aviation in Vaikuntha? This is how you're spending your time? Barely reading history books on flight, of all things?

[She sounds mad! Not as mad as she could be, granted, but still quite mad.]

[ Whatever sort of reaction she had been hoping for, Cornelia is likely not going to get it. Lelouch does acknowledge her presence, but there's no glare. No frustration at having his book being taken away and no ire for having this interruption. Instead Lelouch looks at her, practically devoid of all emotion. ]

I have a test to take.

[ Best answer, right? ]

[Bzzt, wrong.]

A test.

[A goddamned test. This, from the boy whose fervent devotion to Nunnally cost Euphy, and Clovis, and Darlton, and four of the Glaston Knights their lives. This, from the boy who, in the name of the world he wanted to create for that same girl, killed many times more people over the course of a couple of months than any single other person has killed in the whole of human history. Moping in his damned room. Pretending to study. She takes it as an insult, as one more disgrace to everyone who has died for his cause, for everyone whose lives she should be avenging instead of... what? What the hell has she even been doing? It's harder for her to tell now that Euphy is sad again, now that Nunnally is gone.]

We have no understanding of what might have happened to Nunnally and instead of working towards one, you're wasting away in here studying for a test?

What is there to be done? No one has answers and I lack the ability to force them out of people that might know.

[ He doesn't particularly like sitting around and not doing anything about it, but what can he do? As he is right now, he is virtually powerless. What he can do is study. Slowly gain access to an airship and go to wherever he pleases without it being suspicious. What he can do is learn everything he can about this world so that he can find a way out of this. Somehow. ]

[Is he that reliant on Geass? On some level, of course, it is apparent that he is; if it wasn't for that power, he wouldn't have succeeded in the same sense that Britannia would have fallen well short of its own ambitions if not for the strength of its weaponry. But this isn't war, and his mind is sharp enough to adapt. Besides, she knows firsthand that force isn't a necessary tool for extracting classified information from people who wouldn't independently share it with others.]

You speak like a defeatist. Is that what you've become without your accursed power?

[Though it's an intentional taunt, it lacks the edge and the flair she affects when her words are driven by elitism and genuine distaste. She knows better than to write Lelouch off so easily.]

There is no point. [ Well there is an edge to his tone? An improvement, maybe? ] If she's ended up back in that Dreamwidth, then someone has to be able to fly a ship capable of searching. If she was returned home then someone has to have the capacity to find answers. Someone that can fly to each city and glean what they know.

[ So the studying isn't without merit. Lelouch would like a more expedient process, but it's not there. Or he hasn't thought of one at this current moment. However, there's still a part of him that is working towards some kind of goal, even if he's moving at a disgustingly slow pace because he is distracted by the sudden disappearance of his little sister. ]

Someone has to know something...

[Someone does have to know something. There are too many governments in Vaikuntha, too many powerful people and organisations, for it to be believable that none of them have conducted their own research into the Dream Width -- that none of them have attempted to gain an advantage from the mysterious nature of its existence. The Dream Width is a tool, a political secret akin to Geass. All it takes is finding some way to incentivise an information leak. So Lelouch has been thinking about that, too, at least; so he gets the importance of seeking information out from faraway sources, from places that may not be reachable through public transit. He isn't relegated to doing nothing.]

[Yet she's not convinced that he's doing anything.]

[Still holding onto his book, she turns it back around and skims over the pages he'd been reading.]

What is this chapter about, Lelouch?

[ Now Cornelia is actually addressing the issue. Lelouch isn't relegated to doing nothing. However he's not doing much of anything at the moment. He doesn't even want to admit that she's right. It's not as if her words aren't getting through to him at some level. They are. She's dumping that cold bucket of water on him, as if waking her half-sibling up from some haze.

Instead of actually answering her, Lelouch's gaze shifts to the wall. He's staring at it. Angrily. It's not entirely aimed at her. Well, at little at Cornelia. Part of it is aimed at himself at the same time. ]

[It's become so easy for Cornelia to hold Lelouch to her own personal stadards that there are times when she forgets that he is still much younger than her yet significantly more experienced in suffering. What does she know of betrayal, of isolation, of the hatred brewed from both together? Even on the battlefield, even hunting down Geass, she has been sheltered by status and by privilege. And though she can on some level relate to the agonising depth of his loss, Nunnally had been the single comforting constant in Lelouch's life while dozens had stood by Cornelia's side and guarded her back. That, too, keeps her outside of the reach of understanding what he's enduring. Her earlier question of what she was doing by forging some form of peace with him takes on a new tone as now she finds herself slipping out of her element.]

[What she does know, however, is that he is useless like this, and that he must loathe that fact far more than she does. She puts the book back down on the bed, open to the same page.]

Get up.

[A baby step. Spoken harshly, but not unkindly.]

[ Lelouch might be offended to know some of those thoughts Cornelia has for different reasons. No, she might not know what Lelouch has had to endure, but he hadn't exactly suffered over the last ten or eleven years. He still had the privilege of being Britannian whereas many other Japanese hadn't. Sure, only a few had known his true identity and Nunnally had been the singlemost important thing in his life...

But even she had been given up in the end. Lelouch, as much as it pains him to know, wouldn't change that. In the end, everyone else's needs are greater than his own. In that one moment, he had proved that. Breaking his final rule.

Maybe that is what makes it hard, losing his little sister in this manner. The uncertainty...

His eyes dart back to Cornelia and he just gives her an odd look. A little wary, yes, but more questioning than anything else. Get up? Whatever for. ]

We're going for a walk.

[Point-blank. Authoritative. Then, a little more resigned:]

You can't stay here like this.

A walk.

[ Excuse his tones of disbelief. ]

Mm, a walk. You're in dire need of fresh air.

["Fresh air will do you good" is such a cliche, but it's one Cornelia has lived by since she was a little girl. Forests and gardens and open air and nothing but the wilderness all around her -- there is nothing more grounding to her. Nothing better capable of clearing her mind. Even if none of those things apply to Lelouch, walking is a distraction, a temporary step away from a course of action that is gaining him no ground.]

[ She isn't really going to give him a choice on the matter, is she? While he can begrudgingly admit that he isn't making progress, Lelouch doesn't particularly think that taking a stroll around the place or wherever is actually any better. ]

With you?

[ It's not like they are on the best of terms. Lelouch, once he is in a state to reflect on it, is going to wonder why Cornelia is going to this length to get Lelouch up and going again. Logically it makes sense, but being somewhat considerate isn't what he's expecting. ]

[There was a time when Cornelia would have skewered Zero on her lance and grinned as he died; then he unmasked himself and she didn't care for the sight of his blood any longer. She wasn't present when the Black Knights were moments away from executing him. She supported Nunnally taking a stand against Lelouch believing that it would work, that Nunnally's survival would be enough to stay his hand. And she would not have done that if she didn't also support the siblings being reunited, or if part of her hadn't accepted his purpose of creating a world where Nunnally could thrive.]

[Even here, with Zero Requiem behind her and with Euphy miraculously by her side, she has pushed only for the truth.]

[There are very few weaknesses that Cornelia will admit to having, even to herself. Her family is one of them. Perhaps Lelouch will realise that one day, though a significant part of her hopes he never does.]

You're stalling.

[ The grin is slight, but it's an improvement. ]

A little, but not as much as you think.

[ He isn't stalling for the sake of stalling. Lelouch just can't wrap his mind around it is all. Naturally he wonders if there is something to be gained by this. If there is some ulterior motive or angle. Is there even a play at all? Could it be that Cornelia is simply doing what she does for people under her care or watch?

Lelouch might one day understand that it isn't just Euphy that is a weak point for Cornelia. But that day is far off. With a sigh, he is to his feet. ]

I'll try to keep up.

[If she has an ulterior motive, then it stems from his final thought: morale among the four of them is in such a poor state that it won't improve without intervention. Initially, she had intervened with anger; now, however, it is as he wonders. She is falling into the familiar step of a leader, of someone far more accustomed to taking action than to presuming to turn her back on a situation beause its surrounding circumstances are uncomfortable.]

See that you do.

[She almost moves to lead him out of his room, out of the house, before she thinks to ask,]

Are you equipped for a walk?

[She means dressed. Proper shoes. Clothes that will protect him from the elements, from any low grade monsters that may have wandered far from their territory. What is it like to not spend the majority of her life speaking in a soldier's tongue to others who favour the same language? Fuck if she knows.]

[ Losing Nunnally again was... like a hole had been cut into his heart. She had been so kind, so forgiving and hopeful for the future, and her presence had been a warm light.

And then it was gone. Not snuffed out but still lost. And he feared losing her brother, as well. Not to disappearance, but to the demons in his own mind. Nothing existed here to distract them, not like during the war or the Requiem. At Mogya's description of Lelouch's behavior, he finally decided he needed to try and do something.

He doesn't knock on the door, but stands in front of it. ]

Lelouch, it's me.

[ Does Suzaku really expect an answer? Because if so, he is going to be very disappointed. Mogya comes out the door though. She's pretty jittery. Pom swaying anxiously and wings all a flutter. ]

I don't think he's actually hearing you...

[ He offers a faint, sad smile to the moogle, nodding in agreement. ]

Thank you, Mogya. Give me a few minutes alone, would you? And when I call, hold the door open for me.

[ There are so many ways a discussion with Lelouch can go, but he isn't without some ideas of what he can do.

He steps past the moogle and into the room. ]

[ The concerned creature floats off to the side, paws worrying. Whatever Suzaku has planned, she hopes that it works. Because he isn't wrong. There are many ways that this could go. Lelouch could turn violent or just go into a complete shut down. Alternatively, he could also break down crying or maybe snap out of it.

It's like playing Russian Roulette without the bullets. Or the death. This time.

At least the room isn't a disaster. Again, he primarily has books out. Stacked. Notes here and there. Various subjects like history and about airships and other magitek that exists here. ]

[ No bullets or death, but still plenty of pain and sadness.

He scans the titles or spines of the books as he approaches where Lelouch is sitting, reading top lines of those that are open. He's interested in Lelouch's research, but that can all wait until said researcher is actually in a frame of mind to pursue it.

Once at Lelouch's side, he places a hand on his shoulder, saying nothing. ]

[ The knight isn't going to get much of a reaction still. Lelouch sets his pencil down. Out of the way. There's no looking up at Suzaku. No acknowledgement like that. ]

I don't even know if she's safe.

[ It's not a burst of angry flailing, or slipping into a catatonic state, so he'll take it. And his hand tightens gently on his shoulder at that simple reply. ]

I know. [ Apparently, no one does. Even if she's just lost again to the Dream Width, that means she's trapped in nightmares until she's rescued again. And there's no way to know if she went home, naturally. But if she did, that means leaving here is possible and it's not being offered to the general population. He's not going to tell Lelouch any pretty lies; he's past that sort of thing. And Lelouch wouldn't want them, anyway. ]

When did you eat last?

[ He wouldn't want the lies. As often as he tells them, he isn't one to have them thrown his way. Pretty words and assurances aren't going to do much either. The fact is, if she has returned home then it might not be as hard as they thought to return. If the general populace doesn't know why then maybe a higher power? Before he might have scoffed at the idea, but after the World of C? Well, one has to wonder... ]

I'm not sure.

[ Probably early this morning, not that Lelouch has eaten enough anyway. He just doesn't care. ]

[ He nods, acknowledging the response, even if Lelouch isn't looking his way. ]

Can I convince you to come out and have some dinner? [ He wants to know what sort of headway, if any, Lelouch has made in what he's been reading in here. But the priority is Lelouch's physical well-being. The rest will come afterward.

He thinks C.C. might be a little bit proud of him for that thought. She was always the one waving food in their faces to remind them they were hungry. ]

I'm... Not really hungry.

[ Though he says it, he doesn't really look at Suzaku at the same time. It's a partial truth. Lelouch really doesn't have much of an appetite. The real reason, however, is because he doesn't want to leave this room. He has no desire to.

It's flimsy and Lelouch and Suzaku likely know that it is. It's really up to Suzaku if he wants to call Lelouch out on it or not. ]

[ His hand doesn't squeeze further, but just... lingers on his shoulder. As though it's the only thing he can give. ]

[ Softly: ] I understand that. [ He remembers the day after FLEIJA in brief flashes of memory. The death toll had been so massive, and then someone had mentioned the Viceroy had been in the part of the settlement that he'd destroyed. For some shamefully small time, Nunnally's loss had felt greater than the 34,999,999 other lives. But for Jeremiah talking at him in the center of that crater... he would have stood there until he collapsed and/or starved.

Cecile had probably done more than she knew with her abominable concoctions that she shoved in his hand that day. For once, he'd eaten them with no reaction to the strange combinations.

He and Lelouch -- neither one of them was good at taking care of the basic needs when faced with overwhelming situations.

But Nunnally wouldn't want her brother to do this to himself. ]

[ In the same tone: ]

I asked Mogya to hold the door open for me when I called. You can walk out of this room with me, or I can carry you out over my shoulder.

[ Squeezing or not, that touch is actually rather grounding. Lelouch doesn't dismiss the hand or wave it off. It's a physical presence - one that is familiar and something Lelouch knows, somewhere deep down, that he can rely on. Suzaku has his trust. Completely.

Though no, neither one are very good at dealing with their losses. They both tend to shut down and shut people out. Both are self destructive in their own ways. ]

You wouldn't...

[ Oh but he would, wouldn't he? Suzaku isn't going to be gentle about Lelouch's mental state. Not for long. ]

[ If he knew Lelouch was, at least, eating and bathing, he'd refrain from pressing too hard. Honestly, he would probably join him in this room and content himself to fetch books or materials, or whatever else Lelouch might need to put a balm over his pain. ]

I would. [ His tone is so gentle. But also firm in its resolve. ] As your knight, and as your friend.

[ Weeks ago, Cornelia had told him real knights exercised autonomy for the good of their royal masters, or something thereabouts. He might understand, a little, what she meant. ]

Self-appointed knight, at the moment.

[ There's a small bite to his words as he huffs and looks away. Not much of one, but at least it is there. At the moment Lelouch is debating the pros and cons of being stubborn and making Suzaku test his own resolve.

In the end, does he save face and his dignity or make Suzaku work for it... ]

[ Now his hand tightens again. Decide quickly, Lelouch. ]

Forgive my presumption, Your Majesty.

[ Somewhere in that humbling is a tease, and also a genuine apology. He declared himself to still be in Lelouch's employ, emotionally and tactically, back when Euphemia learned of how and why her life ended. He offered his service and friendship and life in all seriousness, and knowing what that could mean -- at least, in terms of a "master" such as Lelouch. ]

[ Hearing that, Lelouch scoffs again. Humbling tease or apology, Suzaku had decided it on his own without consulting Lelouch at all in the matter. While not displeased... Lelouch doesn't actually care about titles. Is it wrong to want to be equals? ]

Fine. I give up.

[ Do what you will. There's really no fighting it. If Lelouch is going to leave his room, then he wants to be able to retain his pride. Make it of his own volition, even if it's just a front. ]

[ In his own mind, he considers himself more equal to Lelouch than his outward behavior might suggest. But the status he earned -- stole, ripped from others, killed to get -- means little here, and without that he's just one more unworthy man trying to pretend he's something more.

He takes a half step back from Lelouch's chair and his hand moves from his shoulder to touch his upper back. ]

Thank you. [ Genuine. ] After you.

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