melodiesofeternity | Sister Searching

Entry tags:

Sister Searching

Who: Gladiolus Amicitia and literally anyone
When: July 14 and July 16-31
Where: Yun'Ashia then literally everywhere
What: The Actual Worst - Where's my sister?
Warnings/Notes: Distraught older brother; CW/TW: some threads may contain references to self-hatred and self-harm (self-harm induced by seeking out injury at the hands of others), tumultuous emotions, fits of rage, depressive episodes, if you see something in a thread that needs to be added here I will do my best to amend this or add it in the tags if that's possible.

I. July 14th - Yun'Ashia

Gladio figured Iris slept in when she missed breakfast, thought maybe she wasn't feeling well when she missed training, and started worrying when he couldn't reach her at all. Every text went unanswered. Every call straight to voicemail. Her room was devoid of any sign of her and even her Moogle was missing. Frantic, Gladio began asking everyone in the house - and then anyone he saw when he went into town - "Have any of you seen Iris today? Or heard from her?"

II. July 16th thru 23rd - Worldwide

His boss had been miraculously understanding when Gladio begged for the next week off. He'd have to work insanely hard when he got back, but he wasn't about to write Iris off as gone until he'd scoured the whole of this world. As it was, he spent the entirety of the 15th searching as much of Yun'Ashia and the surrounding land as he could. He'd returned home sometime pre-dawn on the 16th and grabbed maybe an hour or two of sleep before making an iMog video that he'd post publicly. Once that video was made, he packed a few essentials and prepared to set off on a hunt of his own. He knew his father was out looking too, but the more eyes the better, right? Everyone he met would be greeted with a photo of Iris on his iMog as he asked them, "Have you seen my sister?"

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[It's best that Gladiolus isn't looking at him, because Ravus' eyes widen momentarily as he sees the untended wounds that he hadn't inflicted. Idiot. Ravus traces his fingers just below the ragged cut, a tender touch before he roughly disinfects it.

Gladio's obvious neglect of his personal safety has him livid. He wants to strangle him. But Ravus was no better, right after losing Lunafreya. Perhaps this is karma.

He wraps gauze around the open wounds and tapes the bandages in place.]

You'll live. I'll hear your apology now.

[Ravus' voice almost startles him, Gladio having gotten lost in his own head while sitting in silence. His body feels ... sore but somehow a little lighter. Maybe it's that all of his physical injuries, major and minor, have finally been tended to and bandaged. And that he'd been able to rest and eat at the retreat. Really, he thinks it's Ravus being so close to him.

Remembering how awful his apologies went with Ignis and Prompto, Gladio flounders. How can he possibly apologize well enough to even marginally appease Ravus?]

Why? Words can't fix this. Can't even come close. [All the self-hatred he's felt since everything started comes out, every word dripping with it.]

Y'want me to talk about how I fucked up? Because I did, big time. M'just an idiot who acts without thinking. My friends are barely speaking to me and that's the most you've said to me in almost a week. And I deserve all of it and more. Pretty sure I've never disappointed my dad or my mentor this much in my entire life.

[Now that he's started, Gladio just can't stop, vitriol spewing from his mouth at a probably alarming rate.] You were right, Ravus, back at the base on Eos. I am a weak Shield and I can't protect a damn thing. M'so fuckin' useless and, even worse, I'm stupid. I just ran off - completely ignored my duties here and gave no thought to you or to anyone else. Didn't even try to talk about anythin'. Just charged off half-cocked and ... and it was all for nothin' because Iris isn't even here. Somethin' took her from this world and I couldn't ... I didn't even know.

[Strangely, there are no more tears. It's as if Gladio cried all of them out of his body so all that remains is a desolate dullness in his eyes and a sad slump to his shoulders.] So what will my apology matter at all? It's not gonna fix anythin', not gonna take away whatever hurt or anger you felt. Probably still feel. And I deserve it all anyway, Ravus. Hell, I'd deserve you tellin' me to get out and ending whatever th' hell we started. Does my being sorry make anything better? [It was an entirely rhetorical question that Gladio answers before Ravus can even attempt to.]

No. Me tellin' you how damn sorry I am doesn't change a damn thing. So why should I waste your time?

[At that pathetic excuse for an apology, Ravus seized Gladio's hair and jerks his head roughly up so they can look at each other eye to eye. No more cowering, no more hiding. Ravus is turning red with returned anger. Damn it, this is why he went through the trouble of fighting first, to try to exhaust his desire to punch Gladiolus square in the face.]

That is enough, Gladiolus. SHUT UP. Do you think I do not understand losing all reason in the wake of loss? You know what I attempted after Lu...after Altissia.

[He pushes Gladio's head to the side and releases his hold on that dark hair so he can stalk across the room.]

Do not presume to know what I felt. It wasn't angry at first, nor hurt. You made me afraid, you godsdamned bastard. I told you, I couldn't lose anyone else, yet suddenly you were gone, spirited away like your sister. I didn't know you were safe until your fucking moogle notified the prince.

[He paces the room like a caged couerl. That morning of panic, it still leaves his stomach in knots to recall it.]

You said you were mine, that you wanted to pursue something with me. I was an idiot to believe your lies. You're willing to discount my affection for you and abandon what we share rather than apologize and make amends. I should never have let myself care for you, if this is all the worth you attribute me.

[He's worked himself into a rage, and once he growls out his piece, he walks over to the door and opens it. If Gladio wants to run away with his tail between his legs, he's free to flee and lick his wounds elsewhere.]

[He doesn't resist, doesn't yell or hiss when Ravus yanks his hair and almost breaks his neck to force eye contact. He says nothing as Ravus shoves his face away and alternates between shouting and spitting his piece, despondent eyes listlessly watching as the Tenebraen Prince stalks back and forth in his own bedroom.

Gladio does visibly respond when Ravus throws his door open, paling and flinching. Despite his appearance, he's taken in every word spoken to him. Each one pierces his heart with deadly precision and steals his ability to speak, to breathe.

But he knows he'll lose Ravus too if he doesn't at least try to say something.]

... I - [He shudders and takes a deep breath before trying again.] I never ... I didn't mean to -- [No. It doesn't matter that he never intended or wanted to scare him. It doesn't matter that he didn't mean to do it either, because in the end those feelings were a direct result of his actions.]

I'm sorry Ravus. I should have talked to you. Shouldn't have left. And definitely not like that. [Gladio's eyes dart to the open door and he winces again, fear tinging his features.]

I am yours. I never lied to you. Hell, that night in here when you took me apart piece by piece, I promised both that I was yours and that I'd never lie to you. [Once again, he's on a roll.]

I wasn't lying then and I'm not lying now. I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry and I hate how small those words are because they're not enough. Nothing is. I was an absolute bastard leaving like that and I swear to you I never meant to scare you or make you think I don't value you.

[A shaky breath.] Gods, you have no idea how much you mean t'me. I don't want this to end... but I won't blame you if you do. Hell, Iggy walked away from me entirely so why shouldn't the other person I love do the same thing? [Oops. That wasn't supposed to come out. At all.]

I know you're not that into whatever this is - you never were - and I keep waiting for you to tell me it's over. But I'm selfish enough that I'm not gonna leave. Not again. [He tilts his head towards the open door and tries to hide his eyes from Ravus.]

So you tell me, Ravus - is there even anything I can do to make amends? Anything I can say to prove that I'm sorry and I'll never do somethin' like that again? Or do you want me to go? Whatever you want... I'm in no position to deny you or fight you.

[Like a man waiting for a death sentence, Gladio closes his eyes and tenses as he listens for Ravus' response.]

[Probably for the best that Gladio is closing his eyes, because Ravus' face is fully red now. That idiot, what is he thinking, using the 'L' word on him? It has only been two months! Ravus is almost tempted to flee the room, just to give himself space and time to process.

But Gladiolus is setting there, looking like he's given up, so Ravus steels himself and firmly pushes the hasty confession out of mind for now.]

I just told you to stop presuming you know what I feel. [Has he given Gladio reason to doubt his faithfulness, or cause to believe him unsatisfied with their arrangement? Ravus snorts. He has not, and Gladiolus is making unjust accusations about the veracity of his affections.]

If I choose to leave you, you'll know it, Gladiolus.

[He crosses his arms, still fuming that Gladio thinks him such a poor lover that Gladio cannot count on him.]

You sound as though you want me to assign you some quest of devotion to win back my trust. This isn't a fairy tale. There are no such things. If you wish to 'make amends', swear to me that you'll not repeat your same idiocy again and then stop wallowing. It sickens me to see you acting like some meek lamb resigned to the slaughter. The lover I chose is Gladiolus Amicitia, a warrior of renown and Shield to the King. The man before me now is acting like neither.

I'm not presuming to know your feelings, Ravus. I'm reminding you that you were opposed to this in the beginning, and that you made your discomfort with me wanting both you and Ignis pretty clear. [He's not trying to be argumentative, but it probably sounds that way.]

And you already have that promise - I'll never run off like that again. No matter what.

[Those are the only words he's spoken that sound like his usual self, confident and determined, but all too quickly he slumps again. Normally Ravus basically telling him to suck it up and shove all this pain away would piss him off. Now?

Now he just realizes how much everything that's happened is effecting him.]

You think I like this? Looking and sounding so weak, especially in front of you? [Shit, those are tears starting to burn his eyes. If he looks up, there's no way Ravus will miss that pathetic sheen. But if he keeps his head down, they'll spill over...]

Physical pain's easy to shove off and ignore. This ... this isn't...[Gladio makes the mistake of looking up and clenches his jaw in embarrassment and shame when a few tears do, in fact, leak out of his eyes and burn like acid down his cheeks.]

Guess no one expects a Shield to get emotionally overwhelmed. Not even his lover.

[Well, he's definitely ruined his image enough for one night. Time to attempt an escape.]

Thanks for cleaning and bandaging everything. I'll work on stowing my shit, don't want you to be too sickened by me, but right now I just want to lie down in my room - [Fuck, that's not an option now.] I mean ... on the couch and sleep so I can pretend all this emotional and crying shit didn't even happen in front of you.

[Okay, so Ravus' words kind of hurt. Gladio's never experienced so much emotional upheaval in such a short time and Ravus is acting like he should just be able to turn off his feelings. Which maybe he should - an emotionally compromised Shield protects nothing just like a weak Shield protects nothing.

So Gladio tries to stand, intending to get to the couch and sleep until the next day.]

[Ravus closes the distance between them and puts a hand on Gladio's shoulder to press him back down into the chair when he tries to rise. The two of them are having entirely different conversations, and Ravus doesn't know how to get through to him. He knows he's not good at...this.]

Stay.

[It is the tears that reveal to Ravus his miscalculation. Perhaps Gladio will need a kick to get him back on his feet, but not while the wound is yet so raw. He recalls his efforts to comfort Lunafreya during their final conversation, feeling just as helpless to combat the pain Gladio faces as he did to face hers. Sometimes, the pain cannot be overcome. It can only be endured, the burden not lifted, only shared.

Ravus kneels in front of Gladio's chair and reaches up to take his hands.]

It is true that I had...reservations...about this relationship, but I am here, am I not? I have pursued no other, and when you left, I saw to your duties in your stead. I know not how long you will hold my reluctance against me, but... [He does not like to say it aloud- too much vulnerability- but it seems Gladiolus has suffered because it has been too long left unsaid.]... I do care for you. I have given myself to you and it is not lightly done.

[He tightens his grip.] So you'll not sleep on any couch. You'll lie in my bed, where you belong. The moogles will bring your bag in if it cannot be left for the evening.

[Gladio tries to hide his face, looking down at their joined hands instead of at Ravus. His lover's words are a balm, slightly untangling the knots in his stomach and soothing his aching heart.

This moroseness and defeatist attitude are new for Gladio and he isn't sure how to even start getting back to normal. But right now he belongs somewhere. With a grateful squeeze of Ravus' hands, the forlorn Shield stands, intending to lie in Ravus' bed.

He tugs Ravus into a standing position as he rises and pulls him into a tight, almost desperate embrace.]

Thank you. [The words are soft, a broken whisper from a broken man, and muffled against Ravus' shoulder. Realizing that Ravus might not actually want this kind of a hug (he never seemed like much of a hugger, not even in private), Gladio slowly pulls back.

Stepping out of his shoes he sluggishly walks towards the bed, peeling off his clothes with each step until all that's left are his undergarments. When he finally reaches his destination, Gladio silently slips under the covers and curls in on himself.

For someone so large, he appears almost comically small balled up on Ravus' bed. If not for his shaking shoulders, no one would know that he's still sobbing.

And damned if he knows why anymore.]

[Ravus, as a general rule, does not hug, but he allows Gladio to embrace him. The strength in Gladio's arms wrapped tightly around him is reassuring. He does not feel broken.

And then Gladio releases him and trudges to bed. Ravus follows, a pace behind, and sits on the edge of the bed. He reaches out a hand, hesitates in the air above Gladio's trembling back, then determinedly presses down against it.]

Do you...need anything? [In spite of what self-care his friends had pressed Gladio into at the camp, he is still likely in need of a good meal and a shower, certainly at least some water. Ravus isn't good at this, and does not know what to do with himself when the people he cares about have sorrows he cannot repel.]

[He's trying so hard to stop crying, feeling more weak and pathetic with each sob. Gods, he knows he fucked up - Royally - but hasn't he cried enough? Hasn't he done enough to make his lover think less of him?

Gladio's shoulders keep shaking until he feels Ravus press his hand against his back. At the gentle pressure, he takes in a shuddering breath and goes still.]

I ... I just need to figure out how to fix everything I messed up. [Everything else takes a back seat to that. He's at least been able to talk to everyone, and only Ignis truly turned him away. But Gladio knows there's a lot he will have to do in order to regain the trust he broke.

Before he can stop himself, Gladio moves the arm he's lying on so that his right hand can reach over his chest and shoulder towards Ravus. He makes a pitiful grabby motion with the hand and whispers quite possibly the most desperate plea, his voice belying his vulnerability.]

... Can ... will you hold me?

[Gladio's eyes are shut tight as his body tenses, anticipating a laugh or a rebuke. What kind of Shield needs to be held? What kind of warrior practically begs to be the little spoon?]

[Ravus draws back his hand and rises from his seated position. Without a word, he strips off his boots, socks, shirt, pants. He climbs back into bed and presses his body to Gladio's back, draping his arm over Gladio's side.]

Leave that for the morning. [He whispers into his lover's ears. Fretting the evening away will do no good.]

...

...I missed you. [His arm tightens protectively around Gladio.]

[When the hand pulls away, Gladio sucks in a breath. Maybe that was finally too much weakness - Ravus doesn't want a weakling and this current demonstration is anything but one of strength...

But the rustling of fabric followed by a dip in the mattress has the Shield releasing a shuddering breath of relief and gratitude. One of his hands blindly sought Ravus' and held tightly to it. With Ravus' words, more hot tears leak from amber eyes.]

M'sorry... [He presses himself more firmly against his lover.]

... I missed you too...

[Though he's still crying, Gladio's shoulders have stopped shaking and his breathing is less erratic. As much as he enjoys holding those he cares about, being held by someone he loves is equally calming and cathartic.] M'such an idiot...

[Ravus pinches Gladio, though he does it with his real fingers, not with the magitek.]

I'll not suffer anyone to slander my lover in my hearing, not even the man himself.

[He rubs his fingers over the skin he just pinched and tightens his hold around Gladio.]

Rest now.

[Though Ravus can't see it, a small, watery smile crosses Gladio's face. As fingers soothe his pinched skin, his eyes slide shut and his breathing evens out.] Stay?

[It's a whispered breath, emotional and physical exhaustion taking hold and rapidly pulling him under sleep's spell. He feels safe and, despite his stupidity, wanted. The strength of his lover's arm around Gladio and the warmth of Ravus' solid body at his back lulls him to sleep, his hand never once letting go of Ravus.]

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